This week I have done shorter sessions each day, with specific focus on the movements for the pre-screen video. I made a ABCD list for each one... ideal... then down from there... Recording now in the shape they are in, next steps... I've been playing through each movement each day, trying to focus on making at least one note or passage better.
On Monday during the marathon day, I played through the second movement of the concerto and I got sobbing... missing mom... and thinking about how she took me to all my lessons... printed the list of schools offering music degrees in the US... how I couldn't tell her about the DMA journey. Missing mom has been hard the last few weeks. I miss her everyday.
Another challenge this week was a 3 day migraine headache... and the Statement of Purpose required for the application that took me a total of 6 hours! 6!
I had a complete meltdown on day 75 thinking that I just wasn't good enough, and no matter how much time I had put in, it just would never be enough and I wasn't as good as all the other DMA cellists... I wouldn't get accepted... just so sad... I cried hard for a few minutes then I thought about what I would say to a student:
- You can't change the past. You are right here where you are.
- You still have time. Keep working. Don't give up on the hard spots, keep putting the rocks in the hole... again... can you figure out anything that you missed? try any new strategies? do it again? Just keep coming back to them. Add one more note of memorization... be intentional. We don't know if you will be the level of candidate they want, but you can do your best and just see what happens... When I went back and practiced again it sounded much better and I am trying to just keep returning to the hard measures, the parts I don't have memorized... the intonation... a little more and a little more and a little more....
On Monday during the marathon day, I played through the second movement of the concerto and I got sobbing... missing mom... and thinking about how she took me to all my lessons... printed the list of schools offering music degrees in the US... how I couldn't tell her about the DMA journey. Missing mom has been hard the last few weeks. I miss her everyday.
Another challenge this week was a 3 day migraine headache... and the Statement of Purpose required for the application that took me a total of 6 hours! 6!
I had a complete meltdown on day 75 thinking that I just wasn't good enough, and no matter how much time I had put in, it just would never be enough and I wasn't as good as all the other DMA cellists... I wouldn't get accepted... just so sad... I cried hard for a few minutes then I thought about what I would say to a student:
- You can't change the past. You are right here where you are.
- You still have time. Keep working. Don't give up on the hard spots, keep putting the rocks in the hole... again... can you figure out anything that you missed? try any new strategies? do it again? Just keep coming back to them. Add one more note of memorization... be intentional. We don't know if you will be the level of candidate they want, but you can do your best and just see what happens... When I went back and practiced again it sounded much better and I am trying to just keep returning to the hard measures, the parts I don't have memorized... the intonation... a little more and a little more and a little more....
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