Sometimes it helps to make a plan with actual timing. This helped me to dig in and get some real work done on Tuesday. I didn't follow this exactly, things took more time than predicted but I did a lot of work and knowing I had to end at a specific time and having a schedule meant that if I didn't stay on track I wouldn't get to things... 4 hours for Day 157!
Day 158: 1 hour
Day 159: Today I practiced for 40 minutes and then did a play through for P and E. I played at the time of my audition: 9:30AM. I got up an hour earlier than usual and tried to be warmed up and ready to go... its early for that kind of playing! The play through went well... breakthrough ideas on things to prepare for (where to put the stand with an audience?!... what to hear in my head during rests... I need to hold onto my pulse more... I can look at my hands and that helps with the memory!... In general I was a lot more loose for this play through, and I put a lot of emotional energy and focus into my playing. I had memory slips but was able to find a way forward eventually... Same hard spots, some new ones... Hard to play the Andante Quieto for people and not freak out and miss all my shifts! Hard! I was worn out afterwards and had that -I just did a very hard thing- feeling thats overwhelmed and sad and needs the cozy chair and to be taken care of. I was sad that I needed to teach for the afternoon instead of just have the rest of the day off after that! I'm feeling the need for so much more recovery space/rest/time and struggling to give it to myself because I also used my cushion bank account budget money to buy plane tickets for the audition... and I don't want to let people down. I have cancelled a few lessons, and will continue to do so... but its not enough...
Practiced again 50 minutes tonight.
Day 158: 1 hour
Day 159: Today I practiced for 40 minutes and then did a play through for P and E. I played at the time of my audition: 9:30AM. I got up an hour earlier than usual and tried to be warmed up and ready to go... its early for that kind of playing! The play through went well... breakthrough ideas on things to prepare for (where to put the stand with an audience?!... what to hear in my head during rests... I need to hold onto my pulse more... I can look at my hands and that helps with the memory!... In general I was a lot more loose for this play through, and I put a lot of emotional energy and focus into my playing. I had memory slips but was able to find a way forward eventually... Same hard spots, some new ones... Hard to play the Andante Quieto for people and not freak out and miss all my shifts! Hard! I was worn out afterwards and had that -I just did a very hard thing- feeling thats overwhelmed and sad and needs the cozy chair and to be taken care of. I was sad that I needed to teach for the afternoon instead of just have the rest of the day off after that! I'm feeling the need for so much more recovery space/rest/time and struggling to give it to myself because I also used my cushion bank account budget money to buy plane tickets for the audition... and I don't want to let people down. I have cancelled a few lessons, and will continue to do so... but its not enough...
Practiced again 50 minutes tonight.
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Gene left me a note on my cello chair. He has been so supportive always of my journey and I am so grateful for him. He has patiently listened to run throughs and never questioned when I said I needed to get in another half hour, or neglected things I usually do around the house...
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